Violation and Instincts

I can't stand it anymore, it feels like im going mad, it feels like it's burning my brain, im so angry, im angry about this. I don't know how to deal with this, how should i approach to this situation? What should i do? I'm losing control over myself and i don't like it.

I can't sleep in my own bed, there are nightmares, same images over and over again, black and dark red, it's so chlostrophobic, i can't escape it, i just want to scream, i want to write, i want to express myself but i cannot draw or paint anymore, i don't feel like it.

What kind of soul sickness has taken over me? What's happening to me? It's ok in broad daylight, im mostly sleepy cause i can't sleep at night but when the sun goes down this sudden rush of fear hits my veins, that anger, that instict...

I'm feeling like a predator, i want to inflict violence, i want to inflict pain, i...i want to...

But i don't want to do any of these things, it's the beast, it's the beast that pushing me towards to the edge. That thing messes with my instincts, it makes me want to hate, destroy,violate and i mostly enjoy these feelings.

I am a human, yet maybe i am not.

I don't know why some kind of creature has started to manifest in me but these feelings are not safe for me.

I gotta get rid of these, i have to.