The sea has no bounds, desire none. Spirit all compact of fire. Dance on the sands, tonight. Your lips are conquerors, your lips are filled with lies.
Lost, lost in what seems.
That's how it should be.
Who, who is to see?
We write in water
Now.
Touch me under this sinking sky, i can command the smile. Be stirring as the time, be with fire, with fire.
Lost, lost in what seems.
That's how it should be.
Who, who is to see?
We write in water
Tonight.
30.05.2011
29.05.2011
Braid
Tim is off on a search to rescue the Princess. She has been snatched by a horrible and evil monster. This happened because Tim made a mistake.
Not just one. He made many mistakes during the time they spent together, all those years ago. Memories of their relationship have become muddled, replaced wholesale, but one remains clear: the princess turning sharply away, her braid lashing at him with contempt.
He knows she tried to be forgiving, but who can just shrug away a guilty lie, a stab in the back? Such a mistake will change a relationship irreversibly, even if we have learned from the mistake and would never repeat it. The princess's eyes grew narrower. She became more distant.
Our world, with its rules of causality, has trained us to be miserly with forgiveness. By forgiving them too readily, we can be badly hurt. But if we've learned from a mistake and became better for it, shouldn't we be rewarded for the learning, rather than punished for the mistake?
What if our world worked differently? Suppose we could tell her: 'I didn't mean what I just said,' and she would say: 'It's okay, I understand,' and she would not turn away, and life would really proceed as though we had never said that thing? We could remove the damage but still be wiser for the experience.
Tim and the Princess lounge in the castle garden, laughing together, giving names to the colorful birds. Their mistakes are hidden from each other, tucked away between the folds of time, safe.
Not just one. He made many mistakes during the time they spent together, all those years ago. Memories of their relationship have become muddled, replaced wholesale, but one remains clear: the princess turning sharply away, her braid lashing at him with contempt.
He knows she tried to be forgiving, but who can just shrug away a guilty lie, a stab in the back? Such a mistake will change a relationship irreversibly, even if we have learned from the mistake and would never repeat it. The princess's eyes grew narrower. She became more distant.
Our world, with its rules of causality, has trained us to be miserly with forgiveness. By forgiving them too readily, we can be badly hurt. But if we've learned from a mistake and became better for it, shouldn't we be rewarded for the learning, rather than punished for the mistake?
What if our world worked differently? Suppose we could tell her: 'I didn't mean what I just said,' and she would say: 'It's okay, I understand,' and she would not turn away, and life would really proceed as though we had never said that thing? We could remove the damage but still be wiser for the experience.
Tim and the Princess lounge in the castle garden, laughing together, giving names to the colorful birds. Their mistakes are hidden from each other, tucked away between the folds of time, safe.
26.05.2011
2+2=5
Tecrübe edilen çoğu duygunun aksine, her zaman tecrübe edildiğinde hala aynı hissettiren, değişmeyen, aynı mutluluğu veren, stabil dozlarda olgular var. Gece, sabaha karşı, beyaz atmosfer ışıkları camdan geçip yüzünüze vurduğunda, uykuya giderken, ağzınızın hafifçe mutluluktan çarpılması gibi.
Sonra, en sevdiğiniz battaniyeyi üzerinize çekip, yatağınızda döne döne uyurken aslında harcanmış olan zamanı başka ve daha üretici şeylere harcayabileceğinizin verdiği farkındalık duygusundan mütevellit suçluluk duygusu, tatlı bir suçluluk duygusu belki. Sonuçta hepsi birbirine zincirlenmiş ve hepsi aynı zamanlarda vuku buluyor.
Veya liseye giderken içtiğin deneme amaçlı sigaralar.
Üç aşağı beş yukarı bütün bunların hepsi aynı ve simulakrum içinde, ufak tefek ve bağlayıcı.
Sonra, en sevdiğiniz battaniyeyi üzerinize çekip, yatağınızda döne döne uyurken aslında harcanmış olan zamanı başka ve daha üretici şeylere harcayabileceğinizin verdiği farkındalık duygusundan mütevellit suçluluk duygusu, tatlı bir suçluluk duygusu belki. Sonuçta hepsi birbirine zincirlenmiş ve hepsi aynı zamanlarda vuku buluyor.
Veya liseye giderken içtiğin deneme amaçlı sigaralar.
Üç aşağı beş yukarı bütün bunların hepsi aynı ve simulakrum içinde, ufak tefek ve bağlayıcı.
25.05.2011
Alekan Girl II
Let me tell you about the story of Jotun.
Jotun was a young man, he had many things, a good family, a good life, despite all the differences, a good perspective of life.
He knew, something was wrong with him, from the day he realized it, he knew. Sometimes, we lose everything, we lose our faith, everything goes black, world and people tore you apart and rip you to shreds. Sometimes, you just don't understand, we form our own reality, we try to understand it with our limited perspective.
It was one of those years; Jotun constantly asked himself; "What is my purpose? What are my goals? What can i do? Where is my place? Who do i belong with?"
For those questions, no answer can satisfy the host. Alas, there are no answers maybe. Maybe all these blackness, all these conflicted interests, this avalanche, we call life. There are no definitive answers, no big chances, no grander unity.
Years passed, young boy, haunted himself with these questions, he made his own life a miserable hell, he created his personal fears, his personal griefs, he thought;
"This world is giving me more and more pain at the every step that i take, i'm afraid that i will lose everything that i gained at this rate, i'm afraid, i was always afraid, i was constantly scared. Fear was my constant, i revolved around it, i drank the dark waters of grief, i bathed in the sweet sorrow of envy. So i will create my own fears, i will create my own sorrows, i will shield myself, i will go deeper and deeper. I will hid the real me, so deep, no one will able to touch and break it, no one can harm me, no one will betray me."
So, Jotun hid the crystals, so deep and so far away beyond the White Lands, deep within the mountains, he hid the crystals and prayed that no one will find them.
So many winters passed, Jotun was alright, he felt relief, no one was able to harm him, no one tried to reach out to the crystals, Jotun was ok.
At the third winter, he met with an Alekan girl. Hair, like earth, eyes, like ice crystals on the evening sun. Girl came from the sea, she rode a small white boat. They became good friends, and at some point, lovers even...
But, Jotun remembered about the crystals, he took all his grief, all his pain, all his lifelesness into those crystals and sealed it away, the more he tried to hide it, the more he remembered, this made Alekan girl distant, angry, cause she wanted Jotun to forget about the past transgressions, she wanted Jotun to get rid of the crystals, she said;
"Jotun, you don't need to bottle up your sum of all fears, let it go, don't let futile things trouble you no more, it hurts me, it hurts you, just try to trust the moment, just try to let go, don't let them engulf you anymore, you don't need it, i cannot see through the crystals, i want to see real you, but crystals are just too tough."
Jotun was confused, Alekan girl was of course talking about the truth, but young man was afraid as always, Jotun was at the crossroads.
He was afraid again, but this time, fear came with another equal, perhaps something more than equal...
Jotun was a young man, he had many things, a good family, a good life, despite all the differences, a good perspective of life.
He knew, something was wrong with him, from the day he realized it, he knew. Sometimes, we lose everything, we lose our faith, everything goes black, world and people tore you apart and rip you to shreds. Sometimes, you just don't understand, we form our own reality, we try to understand it with our limited perspective.
It was one of those years; Jotun constantly asked himself; "What is my purpose? What are my goals? What can i do? Where is my place? Who do i belong with?"
For those questions, no answer can satisfy the host. Alas, there are no answers maybe. Maybe all these blackness, all these conflicted interests, this avalanche, we call life. There are no definitive answers, no big chances, no grander unity.
Years passed, young boy, haunted himself with these questions, he made his own life a miserable hell, he created his personal fears, his personal griefs, he thought;
"This world is giving me more and more pain at the every step that i take, i'm afraid that i will lose everything that i gained at this rate, i'm afraid, i was always afraid, i was constantly scared. Fear was my constant, i revolved around it, i drank the dark waters of grief, i bathed in the sweet sorrow of envy. So i will create my own fears, i will create my own sorrows, i will shield myself, i will go deeper and deeper. I will hid the real me, so deep, no one will able to touch and break it, no one can harm me, no one will betray me."
So, Jotun hid the crystals, so deep and so far away beyond the White Lands, deep within the mountains, he hid the crystals and prayed that no one will find them.
So many winters passed, Jotun was alright, he felt relief, no one was able to harm him, no one tried to reach out to the crystals, Jotun was ok.
At the third winter, he met with an Alekan girl. Hair, like earth, eyes, like ice crystals on the evening sun. Girl came from the sea, she rode a small white boat. They became good friends, and at some point, lovers even...
But, Jotun remembered about the crystals, he took all his grief, all his pain, all his lifelesness into those crystals and sealed it away, the more he tried to hide it, the more he remembered, this made Alekan girl distant, angry, cause she wanted Jotun to forget about the past transgressions, she wanted Jotun to get rid of the crystals, she said;
"Jotun, you don't need to bottle up your sum of all fears, let it go, don't let futile things trouble you no more, it hurts me, it hurts you, just try to trust the moment, just try to let go, don't let them engulf you anymore, you don't need it, i cannot see through the crystals, i want to see real you, but crystals are just too tough."
Jotun was confused, Alekan girl was of course talking about the truth, but young man was afraid as always, Jotun was at the crossroads.
He was afraid again, but this time, fear came with another equal, perhaps something more than equal...
19.05.2011
Relapse
Life itself is broken. It just contains all the parts we need. So we consume it and turn the page again. Just to feel obliged. We just create and then let it fade away, only to face away with our memories.
Relapse, always comes from the side. You can never expect it, you can never guess when will the memories of your past haunt you.
It can happen on a blink, it can happen on a one night, it can happen even now. When night is eating you, broken spirits and open fears consume your soul, frigid smiles across the miles and guilty eyes, which summarizes a liars asymetry.
Irony itself is sweet. It always manipulates and eats you away, there is no shame in it, there is no shame in being the way you are.
Then panic makes a rush, decimation of anxiety, tribulations drifts away.
And we pray that tomorrow offers clarity.
We pray that rain washes away the panic of today.
Trivialities goes astray and we pray that tomorrow brings stability.
Relapse, always comes from the side. You can never expect it, you can never guess when will the memories of your past haunt you.
It can happen on a blink, it can happen on a one night, it can happen even now. When night is eating you, broken spirits and open fears consume your soul, frigid smiles across the miles and guilty eyes, which summarizes a liars asymetry.
Irony itself is sweet. It always manipulates and eats you away, there is no shame in it, there is no shame in being the way you are.
Then panic makes a rush, decimation of anxiety, tribulations drifts away.
And we pray that tomorrow offers clarity.
We pray that rain washes away the panic of today.
Trivialities goes astray and we pray that tomorrow brings stability.
17.05.2011
Fade
Genes don't contain any record of human history.
Is it something that should not be passed on? Should that information be left at the mercy of nature?
We've always kept records of our lives. Through words, pictures, symbols... from tablets to books...
But not all the information was inherited by later generations. A small percentage of the whole was selected and processed, then passed on. Not unlike genes, really.
That's what history is.
But in the current, digitized world, trivial information is accumulating every second, preserved in all its triteness. Never fading, always accessible.
Rumors about petty issues, misinterpretations, slander...
All this junk data preserved in an unfiltered state, growing at an alarming rate.
It will only slow down social progress, reduce the rate of evolution.
You seem to think that our plan is one of censorship.
You're being silly! What we propose to do is not to control content, but to create context.
The digital society furthers human flaws and selectively rewards the development of convenient half-truths. Just look at the strange juxtapositions of morality around you.
Billions spent on new weapons in order to humanely murder other humans.
Rights of criminals are given more respect than the privacy of their victims.
Although there are people suffering in poverty, huge donations are made to protect endangered species. Everyone grows up being told the same thing.
Be nice to other people." But beat out the competition!"
"You're special." "Believe in yourself and you will succeed."
But it's obvious from the start that only a few can succeed...
You exercise your right to "freedom" and this is the result. All rhetoric to avoid conflict and protect each other from hurt. The untested truths spun by different interests continue to churn and accumulate in the sandbox of political correctness and value systems.
Everyone withdraws into their own small gated community, afraid of a larger forum. They stay inside their little ponds, leaking whatever "truth" suits them into the growing cesspool of society at large.
The different cardinal truths neither clash nor mesh. No one is invalidated, but nobody is right.
Not even natural selection can take place here. The world is being engulfed in "truth."
And this is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but a whimper.
Is it something that should not be passed on? Should that information be left at the mercy of nature?
We've always kept records of our lives. Through words, pictures, symbols... from tablets to books...
But not all the information was inherited by later generations. A small percentage of the whole was selected and processed, then passed on. Not unlike genes, really.
That's what history is.
But in the current, digitized world, trivial information is accumulating every second, preserved in all its triteness. Never fading, always accessible.
Rumors about petty issues, misinterpretations, slander...
All this junk data preserved in an unfiltered state, growing at an alarming rate.
It will only slow down social progress, reduce the rate of evolution.
You seem to think that our plan is one of censorship.
You're being silly! What we propose to do is not to control content, but to create context.
The digital society furthers human flaws and selectively rewards the development of convenient half-truths. Just look at the strange juxtapositions of morality around you.
Billions spent on new weapons in order to humanely murder other humans.
Rights of criminals are given more respect than the privacy of their victims.
Although there are people suffering in poverty, huge donations are made to protect endangered species. Everyone grows up being told the same thing.
Be nice to other people." But beat out the competition!"
"You're special." "Believe in yourself and you will succeed."
But it's obvious from the start that only a few can succeed...
You exercise your right to "freedom" and this is the result. All rhetoric to avoid conflict and protect each other from hurt. The untested truths spun by different interests continue to churn and accumulate in the sandbox of political correctness and value systems.
Everyone withdraws into their own small gated community, afraid of a larger forum. They stay inside their little ponds, leaking whatever "truth" suits them into the growing cesspool of society at large.
The different cardinal truths neither clash nor mesh. No one is invalidated, but nobody is right.
Not even natural selection can take place here. The world is being engulfed in "truth."
And this is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but a whimper.
Brothers
Because I needed to know if we were really someone else's creation. We're repeating history here, Orexis; Harmonia and Arcana hunted down Lilith trying to sever the tie that bound them to her. Unless you kill me and face your past, Arcana, you will never escape. You'll stay in the endless loop: your own double helix.
Lantern King
For a while there, i thought about the disaster, i thought about what it felt. The fear engulfed me, the darkness whispered, skies shattered,i felt the dread, i felt the true fear.
Then, he whispered, the Laughing Demon, the Lantern King, the Hunger personified.
"Be brave, if you are afraid of losing something, you (can) not advance."
That was the first time he encouraged me.
I think we were both in love with the gray.
Then, he whispered, the Laughing Demon, the Lantern King, the Hunger personified.
"Be brave, if you are afraid of losing something, you (can) not advance."
That was the first time he encouraged me.
I think we were both in love with the gray.
7.05.2011
Anoreksiya
Günler geçmiş, günler geçmiş ve katman katman artmış bir takım yankılar içimde. Ne olduğunu çözemediğim, neler olduğunu bilmediğim, sadece benim anlatabileceğim dertlere sahiptim. Vücuda verilen zararlar ve çektirilenler, sadece sigaranın uzaktan gelen dumanı gibiler. Yakındayken zehirliyor, uzaktayken güzel görünüyor.
Kara hüznün yansımaları gibi, duyguların da çeşitli renkleri vardı ve beyaz duvarlarında.
Balyozla girmek lazımdı belki bu düşlere ve rüyalara. Çünkü her gece geri geldiğinde, ay tekrar yukarı çıktığında duvarlara dair hiç bir şey kalmaz olurdu bu dünya üzerinde. Duvarlar ise ancak ne ile yapıldıkları kadar önemliydi son tahlilde. Ne de olsa, kralların kendi ülkesinde, dört duvar arasında yaşadıkları gerçeklikleri kayda değer değildi.
Pek çok söz söylendi belki, pek çok kelam edildi. (Aslında bunların ikisi de aynı şey fakat tek bir anahtar sözcük etmiyorlar ne yazık ki, lakin ikisini bir araya getirecek kelimeler bulamadım)
Ben ise bunca zaman sigaralar ve omurgaya yerleşen zehirler ile ilgili yazmak yerine denizler ve okyanuslar ile ilgili yazabilirdim fakat yazmadım. Acı çekmekten şuh keyifler aldım belki, acı çekmeyi sevdim belki, belkiler ile doluydu bütün dönüşlerim, bu yüzden tam sözcükleri seçmekten her zaman kaçındım.
Her şey kaybolmuş bu dünya da, tek yapılabilecek şey çoktan kaybolmuş düşler ve hayaller ile ilgili uykusuzluk sürgünlerine davet etmek ruhları. Ruh hali değişmiş, vecd halini bulmuş, her gerçeklik yerini başka bir koyuya bırakmış, ruhların rengi atmış ve insanın hali değişmiş.
Pek çok durumlar anlatılmış, pek çok şey resmedilmiş ve bunun yanında acı, sigara gibi, nefes nefes içine çekilmiş, derinliklerden gelen şuh kahkahalar ile yükselmiş atmosferin içine.
Paragraflar, fazlası ile atılmış ve bir daha asla geri dönülmeyen şeyler içeriyor, anahtar kelimeler ise telaffuz edilemeyenler ile başlıyor. Tepelerde bulunan şehirler yanıyor, tepelerde bulunan şehirler kor halinde bir tanrı halini alıyor. Tepelerde bulunan şehirlere gitmek istiyorum, ne yazık ki artık bu saatte otobüs kalkmıyor.
Gemiler beyaz limanlardan kalkmış ayrıca, sadece pusu ve şüpheye yelken açmış sandallar duruyor.
Tepelerde bulunan şehirler ise yanmaya devam ediyor.
Kara hüznün yansımaları gibi, duyguların da çeşitli renkleri vardı ve beyaz duvarlarında.
Balyozla girmek lazımdı belki bu düşlere ve rüyalara. Çünkü her gece geri geldiğinde, ay tekrar yukarı çıktığında duvarlara dair hiç bir şey kalmaz olurdu bu dünya üzerinde. Duvarlar ise ancak ne ile yapıldıkları kadar önemliydi son tahlilde. Ne de olsa, kralların kendi ülkesinde, dört duvar arasında yaşadıkları gerçeklikleri kayda değer değildi.
Pek çok söz söylendi belki, pek çok kelam edildi. (Aslında bunların ikisi de aynı şey fakat tek bir anahtar sözcük etmiyorlar ne yazık ki, lakin ikisini bir araya getirecek kelimeler bulamadım)
Ben ise bunca zaman sigaralar ve omurgaya yerleşen zehirler ile ilgili yazmak yerine denizler ve okyanuslar ile ilgili yazabilirdim fakat yazmadım. Acı çekmekten şuh keyifler aldım belki, acı çekmeyi sevdim belki, belkiler ile doluydu bütün dönüşlerim, bu yüzden tam sözcükleri seçmekten her zaman kaçındım.
Her şey kaybolmuş bu dünya da, tek yapılabilecek şey çoktan kaybolmuş düşler ve hayaller ile ilgili uykusuzluk sürgünlerine davet etmek ruhları. Ruh hali değişmiş, vecd halini bulmuş, her gerçeklik yerini başka bir koyuya bırakmış, ruhların rengi atmış ve insanın hali değişmiş.
Pek çok durumlar anlatılmış, pek çok şey resmedilmiş ve bunun yanında acı, sigara gibi, nefes nefes içine çekilmiş, derinliklerden gelen şuh kahkahalar ile yükselmiş atmosferin içine.
Paragraflar, fazlası ile atılmış ve bir daha asla geri dönülmeyen şeyler içeriyor, anahtar kelimeler ise telaffuz edilemeyenler ile başlıyor. Tepelerde bulunan şehirler yanıyor, tepelerde bulunan şehirler kor halinde bir tanrı halini alıyor. Tepelerde bulunan şehirlere gitmek istiyorum, ne yazık ki artık bu saatte otobüs kalkmıyor.
Gemiler beyaz limanlardan kalkmış ayrıca, sadece pusu ve şüpheye yelken açmış sandallar duruyor.
Tepelerde bulunan şehirler ise yanmaya devam ediyor.
Cyanide
The importance of being idle lies in the shadowy feelings of the secret embrace.
We've sailed the seas of grief on a raft built with our tears. We looked for a way to disappear for a moment from our deepest fears.
I didn't know until that moment. It was a one last quest from the corpse of cyanide sun.
Keeper of secrets, keeper of many things, don't let me get cemented walls over my painted ceilings.
Feelings, layer over layer, every layer keeps secrets from each other.
Underneath the cyanide sun.
We've sailed the seas of grief on a raft built with our tears. We looked for a way to disappear for a moment from our deepest fears.
I didn't know until that moment. It was a one last quest from the corpse of cyanide sun.
Keeper of secrets, keeper of many things, don't let me get cemented walls over my painted ceilings.
Feelings, layer over layer, every layer keeps secrets from each other.
Underneath the cyanide sun.
2.05.2011
Headlock
One of these days,
You'll miss your train,
And come stay with me...
{It's always say goodnight and go}
We'll have drinks,
And talk about things and,
Any excuse to stay awake with you...
You'll sleep here,
I'll sleep there,
But then the heating may be down again,
At my convenience...
We'd be good,
We'd be great together...
You'll miss your train,
And come stay with me...
{It's always say goodnight and go}
We'll have drinks,
And talk about things and,
Any excuse to stay awake with you...
You'll sleep here,
I'll sleep there,
But then the heating may be down again,
At my convenience...
We'd be good,
We'd be great together...
Past Transgressions
Memories fade. Every living being, catastrophed by their haunted memories, tends to forget about them, replaces them with artificality. Memories of nevermore, a park that still exists. Stories without music. All comes to pass,their own garden of Eden. Everyone creates such places, in their mortal minds, everyone is free from their burdens.
I used to despise the living. I used to despise my lungs, hated the world. Never thinking about a future, only striving to survive, nothing more and nothing less.
Many things that i cannot remember, and i know that i did things. Amongs them, never standing behind my cortex, never believing.
Then comes a time. Everything ceases with time and time replaces them with the most beautiful things. That's what they say.
It's a void quest, sometimes it just never happens. You just live as a shade of your former self.
I remember a June Night, he asked me;
"You always said that you were holding back your real-self, what will happen if you release it? Can you honestly do that?"
And i said "Something beautiful."
"I will crash and burn, i will explode like a dying supernova, i will drink my sorrow from my souls captive eyes. I will never let it die inside. I will always know what to do, i will never give up, i will kill myself thousand times, just to come back to see her eyes, i will cry to the end of the world, i will rescue her and set her free again, i will pull her over and say i love you, i will fly away to Malibu, i will shout out, i will never let it burn"
Then we smoked days last cigarettes and said our farewells, on to our journeys to the distant stars.
I used to despise the living. I used to despise my lungs, hated the world. Never thinking about a future, only striving to survive, nothing more and nothing less.
Many things that i cannot remember, and i know that i did things. Amongs them, never standing behind my cortex, never believing.
Then comes a time. Everything ceases with time and time replaces them with the most beautiful things. That's what they say.
It's a void quest, sometimes it just never happens. You just live as a shade of your former self.
I remember a June Night, he asked me;
"You always said that you were holding back your real-self, what will happen if you release it? Can you honestly do that?"
And i said "Something beautiful."
"I will crash and burn, i will explode like a dying supernova, i will drink my sorrow from my souls captive eyes. I will never let it die inside. I will always know what to do, i will never give up, i will kill myself thousand times, just to come back to see her eyes, i will cry to the end of the world, i will rescue her and set her free again, i will pull her over and say i love you, i will fly away to Malibu, i will shout out, i will never let it burn"
Then we smoked days last cigarettes and said our farewells, on to our journeys to the distant stars.
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