Diary of a Self-Loather

Within my assumptions, everything, everything that i ever knew. I knew it before, it all happened with a single swing. Body was on the floor, bleeding to death, wanted to help, just didn't wanted to get involved.

I...dream about her. Mostly dream about killing her, killing her friends, killing her family, murdering and torturing her...

I'm a gentle being, i never want to hurt anyone, i never thought i COULD hurt anyone. But the things she put me through, things that i suffered, the nightly dreamings became nightmares. I was finished, drained of my soul, devoid of everything i ever wanted. It became such a burden to carry all these void feelings inside of me. Why i struggle? I don't even know, i just exist. Between the dimensions of emptiness and reality. I created a place for myself to exist, i want who i want to be, and i can do it on a whim.

I just don't have any memories about that day, i don't know which way to go, i don't know whom should i be mad with. I thought she could help me but in the end it was to no avail. I'm broken, shattered, unable to feel, unable to relate, just a bone and flesh, pretending to care, pretending to listen.

I couldn't care less, in reality i really don't give a damn about other people, they can rot that all i care.

And this human skin that i bear everyday.

When i eat, my intestines work, my heart pumps disgusting blood. Our insides, organs and everything about it just reeks.

I don't wanna be a fleshly being, it really disgusts me, everything about humanity is just...disgusting. When you don't wash yourself you reek, can it get any more pathetic than that?

I hate my skin, i hate my nails, i hate my teeth, i hate my eyes, i hate my bones, i hate everything that belongs to a human body.

And the worst thing is, if i kill myself, it would make a huge mess and my intestines would possibly reek...

-From the journal of a man, who wandered into another world...