Super Extra Gravity

I've had a girlfriend when i was 18 years old. I loved her, we dated like 2.5 years. I believe at some point she genuinely loved me too. Our relationship was not ordinary, we went through many things together. We shared our most personal pains and we did everything.

I never said i was in love with her, not even once.

I think she understood, she never asked if i ever loved her or not, that's why i loved her.

It's just, i never loved anything but bringing that up was too tiring, at one point, i did bring it up.

I told her i never loved anyone or anything, i was a loveless little prick and i blamed the world for it.

We were crossing the street and she held my hand and said "I never loved anyone or anything too, let's hate everything together, at least together, it wouldn't be so lonely right?"

That was genuine, in the end she and i had to go our seperate ways and i blamed her for it, but hey, what can you do.

She still says she hates everything, she is still true to herself and i admire her about this. But now she says she learned hate is a personal thing and you cannot share it with another, so she is out there, hating the world alone.

She went on a quest to find another one who can share her hate.

When we were separated, i started to dabble around the concept of "love". Like how it supposed to make you feel, how can you love someone, how can you be "in" love with someone, it was so alien to me, i didn't even comprehend the basics of it you know?

Then i met with someone else, she was a complete headcase but then again average Jane's always bore me so i accepted that part of myself. Anyway, that someone made me feel some feelings, it was ok at some point but certain time had passed i started to lost my control over my feelings, in the end she and i had to go on seperate ways too, she damaged me i damaged her things were said and done but it was OK. It was a brief period of stupidity on my part to let my emotions go on a rampage like that.

But in the end, the girlfriend i dated for like 2.5 years had gone on a quest to find out more about her hatred and i've gone on a quest to find more about love.

I met with her recently, she said i had changed, i've became a less sincere person, my mask had become harder my shell had become thicker. She said i was not the person she liked.

She had no emotions besides her hatred but in the end she stayed true to her one identifiable emotion and that way she never lost herself. On the other hand, i dabbled in emotions that i didn't understand and that made me a abomination, i get sad in weird situations, i get angry in unnecessary people, that "learning to love" process fucked with my head so much it made some perma changes in my character.

So i tell you kids, stay true to your familiar emotions in case you don't wanna be fucked in your head like me.